john kerry's diary - october
Dear Diary,
I did GREAT in the debates. Woo hah! Everyone agreed I ripped W’s little snotface Texas fratboy ass to shreds. Especially on STYLE. I looked Presidential. I sounded Presidential. I even acted kind of Presidential.
If I ever had any doubt what kind of President I’d be (and I’m not saying I did) it was dispelled when I watched the tapes of me and W. going up against each other a few times. And I’ve got to say, if I don’t look like a President, I don’t know who does. (Tall, like Lincoln. Stylish, in a Chester Arthur kind of way. And, of course, the hair and the hand gestures -- pure Kennedy.)
(I hope I get to be President. I hope I hope I hope.)
The only thing I’d do differently is, I wouldn’t have brought up the fact that DC’s daughter is a muff-diver. My handlers assured me it would help to keep some of the fundamental Christians at home, and maybe it still will. But mostly it evidently caused a lot of regular voters to conclude I’m a mean guy… though I’m not sure why that would hurt me on Nov. 2. It could even help. Because everyone says W. is a tough guy, and now they’ll be able to say I’m a mean guy. Mean, tough, what’s the difference?
Now it’s the sprint towards the finish. All that remains is to shore up my base, and talk gravely about W’s plans to institute a draft, throw seniors out on their ear, and use fire hoses on African-Americans trying to vote. Sure, they’re exaggerations or, if you prefer, little white lies. But so what? Everybody lies in politics. That’s the way the game is played, and I’d be stupid if I didn’t play it too. (Note to W: I have no idea why you didn’t make more out of the fact that you have three African-Americans in high positions in your cabinet; I sure would have.)
As someone once said (I forget who): “The end justifies the means.”
So true. So true.
I have to go now. To Ohio. It’s time to pretend I’m a life-long hunter, and blast away at a few ducks or whatever’s in season. I hope I don’t accidentally shoot anyone. That would be harder to explain than my position on Iraq.
I did GREAT in the debates. Woo hah! Everyone agreed I ripped W’s little snotface Texas fratboy ass to shreds. Especially on STYLE. I looked Presidential. I sounded Presidential. I even acted kind of Presidential.
If I ever had any doubt what kind of President I’d be (and I’m not saying I did) it was dispelled when I watched the tapes of me and W. going up against each other a few times. And I’ve got to say, if I don’t look like a President, I don’t know who does. (Tall, like Lincoln. Stylish, in a Chester Arthur kind of way. And, of course, the hair and the hand gestures -- pure Kennedy.)
(I hope I get to be President. I hope I hope I hope.)
The only thing I’d do differently is, I wouldn’t have brought up the fact that DC’s daughter is a muff-diver. My handlers assured me it would help to keep some of the fundamental Christians at home, and maybe it still will. But mostly it evidently caused a lot of regular voters to conclude I’m a mean guy… though I’m not sure why that would hurt me on Nov. 2. It could even help. Because everyone says W. is a tough guy, and now they’ll be able to say I’m a mean guy. Mean, tough, what’s the difference?
Now it’s the sprint towards the finish. All that remains is to shore up my base, and talk gravely about W’s plans to institute a draft, throw seniors out on their ear, and use fire hoses on African-Americans trying to vote. Sure, they’re exaggerations or, if you prefer, little white lies. But so what? Everybody lies in politics. That’s the way the game is played, and I’d be stupid if I didn’t play it too. (Note to W: I have no idea why you didn’t make more out of the fact that you have three African-Americans in high positions in your cabinet; I sure would have.)
As someone once said (I forget who): “The end justifies the means.”
So true. So true.
I have to go now. To Ohio. It’s time to pretend I’m a life-long hunter, and blast away at a few ducks or whatever’s in season. I hope I don’t accidentally shoot anyone. That would be harder to explain than my position on Iraq.
posted by patrickhenry at 3:00 PM
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